Everything Exists In Simultaneity And Nothing Is Separate!
By May Lloyd
Two years ago someone asked me, “How autistic are you?”
Before she finished the question I had already answered, “Very.” To tell you the truth, I was shocked. Deep down I knew the answer was true and I really didn’t want it to be.
At that time in my life, at the age of 47, I had been avoiding contact with people labelled autistic, especially those who were non-verbal. I judged there was something wrong with them, they were born wrong, and it was wrong that they didn’t fit into the box labelled “Normal Reality”
There I was in my little “Normal Reality” box with all my judgements of what was right and wrong, good and bad. I had points of views about a lot of things: good versus bad art, parking on double yellow lines, motherhood, how to sit at the table, the right food to eat, and–most of all–everything that was wrong about me.
Perceiving is like the sudden aroma of brewing coffee–it gives you instant information. That moment I answered “very,” I perceived how much I had tried all my life to fit into a square box. And yet the thing is, I am all other shapes but square and I am much larger than the box. So how could I ever fit in?
With the help of Access Consciousness and the speciality program Access X-Men, I started to look into what is making people with autism, ADHD, OCD, etc. DIFFERENT to other people:
Access X-Men don’t do judgement though they perceive it itensensly!
When an Access X-Men is actually being their own self, judgement is not part of their world. They are, however, super aware of judgement and dynamically perceive the judgement others function from and think it’s theirs.
As a child I perceived the judgments of everyone around me who had decided there was something wrong with me. Through Access X-men I learned to ask, “Who does this belong to?” It gave me the awareness that the judgments weren’t mine. You can ask it for every thought, feeling, and emotion, especially the ones you have about yourself.
My mother told me over and over that I didn’t speak until I was 4 years old and my younger sister had to tell my parents what I wanted. Growing up, I always thought my mother was lying. As I became aware of how an Access X-Men is different, I acknowledged that she wasn’t lying nor was she telling the truth! I didn’t speak using words until I was 4 years old; I did however communicate using the language of energy.
To X-Men, there is no separation between anything. Everything exists in simultaneity and nothing is separate!
Access X-Men are people that have a very different way of being in the world. Part of what makes them so unique is their brain is actually wired differently; they have “whole-brain function” and do not have ease functioning from linearity or time in the way that many other people do. And X-Men don’t function from separation.
My mother would also tell me that I was always very happy as a baby/toddler, always laughing and giggling. Ohhhhhh yes I locked this in as a wrongness at a very early age. “Everything exists in simultaneity and nothing is separate!” No wonder I was often called a party spoiler.
Asking, “What is right about me I am not getting?” has created a space in my world, where it’s OK for me to perceive other people’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Along with “who does this belong to,” they are two great questions to allow awareness when judgment and separation are not yours.
Joy and laughter is no longer something I have to keep a secret and hide. It is OK for me to walk down the street dancing and with a big smile on my face. Judgements are everywhere and I am no longer at the effect of them.
Today I know that the judgements I had of people with autism were not mine–it was a mirror reflection. I saw myself, and as I was hiding ME, I wasn’t willing to see the potency, kindness, and joy. I was seeing the wrongness that other people had projected at me.
Two years on from being asked, “How autistic are you?” I am no longer hiding. Every time I am aware I am judging myself and making myself wrong for being different and not fitting into a box, I use the tools of Access X-Men to acknowledge the gift of being different.
May Lloyd is joy, magic, and change with a capacity to create this in other people’s world as an Access Consciousness CFMW. She facilitates Access Bars Classes, Access Energetic Facelift, and Access Body Process Classes. She is also an Access Consciousness Abuse Hold Practitioner. She has a passion for working with bodies and creating possibilities of change by using hands on processes. May also offers verbal facilitation tools to unlock those secret hidden judgements you are not aware exist, allowing you to create space and possibilities for you to choose you without being at the effect of judgements.
www.saname.co.uk